Divorce does not have to mean conflict. Many couples separate having already agreed on the important things, or at least willing to work towards agreement. If you are wondering how to divorce amicably, this guide sets out how the process works, why getting legal advice actually supports rather than undermines a cooperative approach, and how to make sure both the divorce itself and your financial settlement are properly concluded.
This guide is for general information only and does not constitute legal advice. Every situation is different. Please speak to a qualified family solicitor for advice specific to your circumstances.
What does an amicable divorce actually involve?
An amicable divorce is one where both spouses work together, or at least communicate constructively, to resolve the two distinct legal processes that divorce involves.
The first is the divorce itself, which legally ends the marriage. The second, and often more significant, is the financial settlement, which divides assets, income, pensions, and any other financial matters between you. Many couples focus on the divorce paperwork and overlook the financial side. However, leaving finances unresolved can cause serious problems later, even years down the line.
Both processes need to be completed. A final divorce order does not automatically settle your finances. In fact, even after divorce, former spouses can in some circumstances bring financial claims against each other. Therefore, reaching a formal financial agreement matters just as much as the divorce itself.
Starting the divorce process
Since April 2022, England and Wales has operated a no-fault divorce system, introduced by the Divorce, Dissolution and Separation Act 2020. This means neither spouse has to blame the other to start proceedings. You simply confirm that the marriage has broken down irretrievably. As a result, one of the biggest historical drivers of early conflict in divorce has been removed.
Either one of you can apply, or you can apply jointly as a joint applicant. Where neither party disputes the divorce, this is known as an uncontested divorce. A joint application can set a cooperative tone from the outset and works well for couples who are genuinely aligned.
The process itself follows a clear timetable. There is a minimum 20-week period between the start of proceedings and the conditional order (formerly known as decree nisi), and a further six weeks and one day before the final divorce order (formerly decree absolute) can be applied for. In total, most divorces take a minimum of around six to seven months from start to finish.
Why using a solicitor does not mean starting a fight
This is one of the most common misconceptions about divorce. Many people assume that instructing a solicitor signals hostility or an intention to litigate. In practice, the opposite is often true.
A good family solicitor helps you understand your legal position clearly, so you can negotiate from a place of knowledge rather than assumption. Without that, agreements can be reached that seem fair but that inadvertently favour one party, particularly on complex matters such as pension division or the treatment of business assets.
Resolution is a national organisation of family law professionals committed to a non-confrontational approach to family law. Tyrer Roxburgh Solicitors is a Resolution member. Resolution members follow a code of practice that prioritises negotiation and constructive problem-solving over adversarial tactics.
Instructing a Resolution solicitor, therefore, is not a step towards conflict. For many couples, it is precisely what keeps the process on track and out of court.
How to keep the process cooperative
Agree to communicate openly
It sounds straightforward, but agreeing early on how you will communicate, whether directly, through solicitors, or with the support of a mediator, reduces misunderstanding significantly. Where communication has broken down, family mediation (a process in which a trained neutral third party helps you both reach decisions) can be very effective. You can find an accredited mediator through the Family Mediation Council.
Use mediation where it helps
Mediation is not a replacement for legal advice. However, it works well alongside it. A mediator helps you explore options and reach decisions together. Your solicitor then advises you on whether any proposed agreement is fair and legally sound before you commit to it. Many couples find this combination of mediation and legal advice gives them both control and confidence.
Consider collaborative law
Collaborative law is a structured process in which both spouses and their solicitors sign an agreement committing to resolve everything without going to court. All four parties meet together to work through issues openly. It suits couples who are willing to engage constructively but want professional support in the room.
Sorting out the finances: why a court order matters
Even where you agree everything between yourselves, you should always formalise your financial agreement in a court order. This is known as a consent order, a document drafted by solicitors and approved by a judge, that makes your agreement legally binding and, crucially, brings the financial claims to an end. Where both parties want a permanent end to all claims, that usually means a clean break order.
Without a consent order, either of you could potentially bring a financial claim against the other in the future. A verbal agreement, however sincerely made, provides no legal protection.
Many solicitors offer a fixed fee divorce service that includes advice and drafting of the consent order. This makes it straightforward to understand your costs from the outset.
What if you have children?
Where children are involved, keeping the process amicable becomes even more important for their long-term wellbeing. In most cases, parents can agree arrangements for where children live and how much time they spend with each parent without any court involvement at all.
If you do need a formal arrangement, a Child Arrangements Order (CAO) sets out the agreed or determined arrangements. However, courts expect parents to have tried to resolve arrangements themselves first, often through mediation. In many cases, a CAO is unnecessary once both parents have the right support and information.
A note on protecting your interests
Amicable does not mean unguarded. Even in the most cooperative divorces, each person has different financial interests, different priorities, and different knowledge of the shared finances. Getting your own independent legal advice ensures you understand exactly what you are agreeing to and why.
In addition, full financial disclosure from both parties is a legal requirement in divorce financial proceedings. You each need to provide a clear picture of your assets, income, debts, and pensions. A solicitor helps you navigate this process correctly, so the final agreement rests on solid foundations.
FAQs
Can we use the same solicitor to save money?
No. A solicitor can only act for one party in a divorce. Each spouse needs independent legal advice to protect their own interests. However, you can both instruct solicitors who share a commitment to a non-confrontational approach, and the costs need not be high, particularly where much has already been agreed between you.
Do we have to go to court to get divorced?
Not in most cases. The divorce itself is largely an administrative process handled through the online divorce service on GOV.UK. Financial matters can also be resolved without a court hearing, provided both parties reach agreement and a consent order is drafted and approved by a judge.
What is the quickest way to divorce amicably?
The legal minimum timeframe is around six to seven months from the application to the final divorce order. You can use this period to work on your financial agreement in parallel, so that both processes conclude at around the same time. Good preparation and early legal advice tend to speed things up considerably.
What happens if we agree now but one of us changes their mind?
A verbal or informal agreement is not legally binding. This is why a consent order is so important. Once a judge approves a consent order, the financial agreement becomes enforceable. Without one, either party can revisit financial claims even after the divorce is finalised.
About the Author
Vasoulla Constantinou is a partner at the firm and Head of Family Law. She is a SRA regulated family law solicitor with over 20 years of experience and has been awarded a specialist accreditation by Resolution, an organisation committed to the constructive resolution of family disputes in a non-confrontational manner. Vas advises clients on all matters relating to family law including divorce, financial issues and child law. For more information visit her full profile.
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